School's out for.....ever?

Today was graduation.  Graduation for the students who were freshmen my first year in Baltimore and now we are all grown up and off on new adventures.  In that way, it feels like a little graduation of my own.  It's been an interesting ride to see these girls grow and mature over these past 4 years, and while my own high school career is long behind me, I can see the changes that have happened in myself as well over the past 4 years.  These girls changed and challenged me, my colleagues inspired me, my classes fulfilled me, and I learned a more about who I am and who I want to spend the rest of my life with.  Luckily, that last part was pretty easy to figure out.  When I came here I knew no one in Baltimore and was terrified of taking over a music program that had been led by a respected and loved teacher.  I had a lot of growing up and stepping up to do, and I think more often than not, I was able to accomplish that.  There were some mishaps along the way, things I wish I had done or done differently, mistakes I wish I had caught, and perhaps even times I wish I had been more strict with my students.  (I'm a softie, what can I say.  It's not in my nature to be as disciplined as I would like to think I am.) But, setting my fears aside, I came in and did what I love to do:  make music.  Within those first few months I met Kevin and grew to know and love both my school and my new city.  I had visions of spending years here, taking it on head-first and really being part of this community for the long haul.  Then, things happened that were beyond our control, Kevin was offered an amazing opportunity we had only dreamed of, and now, here we go off to CA in just over a month.  And married at that!  Holy crap!  While I may have had dreams of living Baltimore for years to come, it seems as though it was a critical 4-year stepping stone to the next part of life for me.  A stepping stone I couldn't have done without and one that allowed me to do a little self-realizing, to be sure, but it looks like Zeke and I won't be lingering here for much longer. 

The part of the school year that everyone, students and teachers alike, most look forward to is more likely than not, the end of the year.  That official jumping-off point of summer, BBQ's, vacation, and seriously lazy days, and you can officially crank out the Alice Cooper song we all know and love so well.  This year was no different for me, even though it marks the close of my career at my current school.  However, this time, it's possibly the "School's out forever" part of the refrain that is most appropriate.  As of now, I do not have a teaching job, or any job for that matter, in CA.  I've been looking for months and nothing with music within a reasonable commute of our apartment has come through.  Nothing.  Yes, I've considered other options that could work for me and most of those would work, but in terms of being fulfilling, I'm not entirely sure.  So.... depending on how the proverbial chips fall both throughout this summer and in the years to come, school could be out for me forever.  And that is quite strange.  I've been doing the school thing in some way, shape, or form for the better part of 2 (creeping ever so slowly to 3...) decades, so not being in or teaching school seems a bit of an anomaly.  No long weekends for work days?  No extended holiday breaks?  No thrill watching the news in the morning for a snow closing? (Of which we had ZERO this year!  I feel so cheated.) No spring break, and most jarringly, no summer vacation....?  Whaaaaaa?  Working 9 - 5 diligently throughout the year with only the occasional long weekend of relaxed bliss?  I'm not sure I know how to function in those circumstances.  However, being the fidgety person I am, I can only take about 2 days to 1 week max of nothing to do before I lose my ever loving mind, so summer can sometimes pose a threat to my occasionally fragile grip on reality.  Thankfully, my colleague and good friend runs a summer music theater camp and asked me to come on board my first summer here, so for the first chunk of break, my sanity is safe.  Don't get me wrong - I LOVE me some time off.  I also love feeling as though I've accomplished something in my day other than a shower and walking the dog.  Keeping busy is good for me, and, by proxy, Kevin, Zeke, and everyone else around me. 

So, no, I don't know that I'll be teaching next year, and at this point it's fairly unlikely that I'll find a teaching job.  And that's ok.  For the past month or so I've tried to come to grips with that and figure out what else I can do.  I was never one of those people who grew up knowing all-along they were going to teach.  I didn't have that gene and sometimes I feel as though those who did have that instinct all along are much stronger educators than I could ever hope to be.  I knew I loved music.  I knew I loved making music, singing, conducting, and being surrounded by creativity.  That's how I came to teaching - it was a good outlet for me to share my passion with others, and I think in that regard I have been successful.  If there is one thing I leave these students I hope it is an open mind to all types of music and a sincere curiosity and desire to explore the performance opportunities afforded by each piece.  Unless it's some terrible arrangement of a trashy pop song.  My students know my severe dislike of many popular artists out there today.  I'll refrain from a full-on rant right now.  I'm hopeful that my passion for music, performance, and creativity will lead me somewhere new - possibly not in the education field, but somewhere I could have my outlet, share my passions, and feel fulfilled at the end of the day.  Something that challenges me and demands that I continue pushing myself to learn.  There are a ton of cool companies out in the Bay area - I keep saying that one of them out there has to be looking for someone like me.  And hopefully they're willing to back it up with a somewhat decent salary to top it off.  Just sayin'. 

And since this post doesn't lend itself well to pictures, here's a one of Zeke for good measure.  Because you can never have enough mooshy bully cuteness in your day.