Because knowledge is power!

So, wahoo!  1 year officially!  We celebrated our wedding anniversary on the 21st, and the 29th marks the 1 year for officially arriving in our new hometown of San Mateo, CA.  I re-realize the fact that we're Californians, or at least living in CA, now.  From time to time I say, "Woah.  I'm in CA.  And I live here.  Wild."  (I think there's some sort of weird, secret process to officially be labeled a true "Californian."  Someone told Kevin that when we finally complain about the weather, we'll be tried and true NorCals.  That has yet to happen.)  It does feel more like home now and not just like we're on an extended visit.  On our recent trip back east I realized how quickly I've acclimated to the lack of extreme temperatures and mind-boggling humidity.  And mosquitoes.  We apparently don't have those in the Bay Area and I am LOVING IT!  For a 1 year marker, I thought it might be nice to do a little tally of the things I've learned about our new city, and our new married life, in the past 365 days or so. 

1.  Produce:  I've never been a big fruit/veggie eater, being more of a fan of carbs and sweets, for which my somewhat curvy silhouette can serve as evidence.  Now, however, after living in the land of strawberries and avocados, I am inhaling fresh berries every morning for breakfast and we put lime, cilantro, and avocados on just about damn near everything.  It's ridiculous.  We actually researched what it would take to grow an avocado and/or lime tree.  Answer - more space than our apartment patio can provide at this time.  We had many a failed attempt at making fresh guacamole back in B'more.  Now we have it down to a science and on more nights than I'd care to admit, a big bowl of it with salty tortilla chips has been a pretty excellent dinner, with a side of margarita.  The produce store by our place has these big bottles of lime juice and I swear we go through at least 1 a week, if not more.  Same story with cilantro, but I'll elaborate on that in another post. Antici . . . . . pation!

That big bottle of lime juice will last maybe 1 week.  And yes, those are figs and prickly pears for us to try.  Look at me - all adventurous with the produce now. 

2.  Scarves and jackets:  I know this won't garner any pity from those of you living pretty much anywhere other than here, but it is shockingly chilly out here during the summer!  Seriously!  When we first got here we walked to downtown SM for drinks and I didn't have a coat with me.  This happened:

All dressed and ready for a July day in San Francisco.

Kevin: You should grab a coat.
Me:....?.... What for?  It's lovely out right now.  Plus it's like July.  Who needs a coat in July?
Kevin:  I know, but it'll be cold when we come back home. 
Me:  Cold?  Cold enough for a jacket?  Nah, I'll be fine.  It's not that far to walk anyway.
(Later that evening)
Me:  BRRRRRRR!  It's so chilly!  And holy crap that breeze is downright cold!  Ohmigosh, ohmigosh, ohmigosh I'm freezing!
Kevin: This is what I was saying when we left - it's really cold on summer nights.  Do you want my coat?

I don't remember if I was cold enough to take his coat, or if I refused on principle of being "fine" without one.  Either way, we power-walked back home.  We were just in San Francisco a few days ago and it was again coat weather.  Chilly!  Windy!  Everyone walking around in jackets, scarves, and even some actual winter hats.  So it's not just San Franciscans being all weird and quirky - like they do - to wear what would normally be winter clothing in the dead of summer.  It's a necessity.  And the bank of fog was so think you couldn't see the tops of the buildings as we drove in and it just seems to run along the streets and down the extremely steep hills.  It's a very weird place out here, but I do love it. 

3.  Pet-friendly:  If you know me for more than 5 minutes, you'll know that I have a dog named Zeke who is pretty ridiculously awesome.  I'd bring him everywhere with me, but usually it's not just his laziness (and unfortunate dog aggression) that force me to leave him at home - most public spaces in the majority of the country are off limits to anything with four legs that isn't a service animal.  Not so in CA.  People bring their dogs to the mall.  Like walk them around on leashes and come shopping in the stores and everything else with their dogs.  And we're not just talking the little purse-pooches that look like toys, but medium to large sized dogs just hanging out at the mall.  Shopping.  It's one of the oddest things I've seen and still amazes me.  Most people seem very responsible about the whole thing - it only takes one careless owner to spoil it for everyone - but whenever I see a retriever or pointer or doodle-pug-schnauzer thing coming in to the store I have a moment of pure amazement that people bring their dogs EVERYWHERE. 

Then

Now

4.  Purse size:  My mom has always carried a huge purse.  I used to joke (actually, I still do) that it could pass as carry-on luggage.  I would always ask, "What do you actually have in there?"  She would always lose her keys in it, bringing about a moment of public, in-store panic as she threw other bags and whatnot at me and proceeded to dive into her purse, head first, in order to comb through every pocket inside out.  Eventually, the keys were always found, buried somewhere amongst the wallet, tissues, hard candy, phone, pager, (when those were still a thing) other wallet, or breath mints.  I've personally always preferred a smaller handbag, or just shoving credit cards, ID, and phone into my pockets and going bag-free.  It's so liberating.  In my normal sized purse I carry a small wallet, phone, lip gloss, keys, pen, and maybe a few spare hair ties.  That's it.  That's all I've ever needed.  However, I've noticed a certain growing trend in my purse contents, stemming from my new marital status.  It started with adding a packet of tissues.  Then a little to-go thing of Pepto and Tums.  Listerine strips and/or gum and another set of glasses/sunglasses are now in there, too.  I really should keep a few band-aids in there, just for good measure.  Now, my once slim and sleek purse it getting bulgy, but it came with getting myself an amazing hubby.  It's a good trade.  And yes, I know that eventual children will increase not only bag size, but number of bags and sheer amount of crap needed at all times to unprecedented levels.  I'll cross that bridge when we get there.  Later. 

5.  Personal quirks:  I think any newly married couple will have a few random quirks or traits that they notice about the other.  Kevin and I knew most going in - and yes, there are many on both sides - but there are a few that are our "favorites."  Don't worry - I did the same number for each of us to be fair. 
*Closing things:  Kevin doesn't close cabinets.  You'd think a poltergeist is living in our place from all the cabinet doors left open all the time.  I can trace where he's been in the apartment by what doors are still open, as I go around shutting each one in turn.  It's hilarious because I don't know what there is about the act of closing the cabinet that just eludes him.  I think he just gets distracted and forgets.

Yes, I staged this, but NO JOKE this happens on a regular basis.

 
*Tissues:  Try as he might, Kevin just can't consistently make the trash can when he goes to throw away his tissues.  I believe his low percentage of free-throws would rival that of Shaq.  Hilarious as it might sound, any future basketball skills of any future offspring will come from me.  Just let that sink in.  Basketball skills and me.  You're laughing, right?  You should be. 
*Jumping:  At 5'2" my vertical is somewhat lacking.  Our apartment has a decent amount of shelving, some of which is way above my very best, tip-toe, super stretching fingertip reach.  As a solution, I've taken to climbing on the counter, using the long grilling tongs to grab lighter objects, or just jumping and hoping to hit and knock whatever item I need off the shelf.  All of this despite the "just my size" step stool folded neatly between the fridge and counter.  That just takes too much time and it's far less amusing.  Kevin claims my stellar jumping skills were the cause of his kitchen cabinet becoming askew back in B'more.  I say it was just a fluke coincidence.  We may never know who was right...
*Flavor combos:  While we both enjoy cooking, Kevin is often times the more adventurous in terms of odd flavor combos.  I, on the other hand, can't quite deal with certain things going together.  Making chili - Cheddar = awesome!  Making baked ziti - Cheddar = you must be crazy.
Kevin - What cheese do you want to use in the ziti?
Me - Mozzerella, provolone, ricotta... any one - or all - of those would be great.
Kevin - We have some cheddar, too.  Want me to toss some of that in?
Me - Um.... no.
Kevin - Why not?
Me - Because it doesn't go.  It's the wrong flavor combo.  We have all Italian going on with the tomato sauce and seasonings and cheddar would be weird.
Kevin - But you like cheddar on chili and that's also tomato-y.  Right?
Me - Yes....but it's different.  Just trust me.

One time, he made the ziti and added cheddar.  He thought it was great.  I, predictably, thought it was weird.  He might not understand my reluctance to pair certain foods, but it makes sense in my head.  And, there have definitely been times when I have been proven wrong and Kevin's seemingly crazy combinations have turned out to be lovely.  Despite this, I will still hold that cheddar and ziti do not mix. 

Well, that's just a few of the knowledge gems I've gained over the past year.  I'm sure there are other, more poignant nuggets of wisdom as well, but these have definitely been some of the most prominent ones thus far.  Til next time!

First year reflections

Friend/Family Member:  "So, how's married life treating you so far?"
Me:  "Awesome!  Being married has been great.  Honestly, the move to CA and the whole new job frontier has been a way bigger adjustment than going from single to married."

Our 13" height difference (maybe 9" with my heels) made this a delicate maneuver.

And it's true.  And for that, I know that we are extremely lucky - I know not every newly wed couple can say with confidence that the first year has been smooth sailing.  Living with someone full-time, having to work around schedules, who's getting the groceries and making dinner, budgeting budgeting budgeting, and who is the lucky one to take Zeke out this time.  Yeah, it's all a bit of a juggling act, but it hasn't been that hard.  Sure, I'm the one to take Zeke out more frequently, but Kevin does more trash runs.  I'm the laundry master (because I admittedly don't trust Kevin to not shrink his shirts.  The boy's tall - if his shirts shrink by the tiniest bit, it's time to go shirt shopping.) but Kevin will voluntarily wash my car, knowing I'd let it get to epic pollen-covered levels before taking it in myself.  We both enjoy cooking - I'll make the pizza dough and prep the toppings while he makes his killer pizza sauce.  

A delicious example of our pizza.  Complete with Enterprise pizza wheel. 

It's a balance.  I know that's far from a revolutionary idea - just about anyone who's ever been in a relationship will tell you that.  It's balance, but it's also communication.  Again, nothing ground breaking in that statement either.  So, it's no secret, but it also isn't hard either.  Or it shouldn't be.  If we're in this together, than it follows that we should always be considering the other one and not just ourselves.  I think in all of the happy relationships I've seen, it's clear that each partner is always at some level thinking about and considering the other person's best interest.

But, maybe I'm naive in thinking that it should be easy to consider the other person, strike a balance, and communicate openly.  Maybe I'm spoiled in that I've found someone with whom realizing that crucial balance is easy.  We've said it many times - our weirds just get each other.  Earlier on in our relationship, I realized how well we work together in the kitchen:  We'd each have our own thing to start on, but if my veggies were chopped I'd keep an eye on his sauce while he cleared up counter space.  Or, while I was finishing up the assembly, he'd pour drinks and get the table set.  Neither one ever really had to ask the other, "Hey, could you do..." or "Why don't you do X while I do Y."  We didn't have to.  We anticipated what needed to happen next in order to enjoy dinner.  It's always been instinctual to just do, not wait to be asked to do.  And all this in a tiny kitchen with a food-loving, dog-shaped speed bump underfoot just waiting for something (or someone) to fall.  It's just always worked.  It's always easy.  And for that I am always grateful. 

Gracefully stumbling over my heels now caught in my dress. 

Our first dance song was Ben Folds, "The Luckiest."  While we danced, he sang to me while I laughed and struggled with my heels getting caught up on the train of my dress.  Typical.  We also have that engraved on the inside of our wedding bands, "The Luckiest."  We fully appreciate how fortunate we are to have such a stable and easy relationship.  There was a moment where I said we could have had "Always and forever" engraved on our bands.  You know, from that most-awesome song in Napoleon Dynamite:  "But I still love technology, always and forever."  Don't worry.  As much as he might adore his gadgets and gizmos aplenty, I still trump the tech in terms of the affection scale.  Zeke might even be fairly high up there as well.  The "I love you," "I know" bit from Star Wars would also have been appropriate and fantastically nerdy, but I know many couples have BTDT already.  "The Luckiest" just sums it all up so nicely and hopefully we never lose sight of what it is that makes us feel like The Luckiest. 

You can almost read "The Luckiest" on his ring, but you might have to squint a little and hold the screen close to your eyes.  Not sure I recommend it.  It's way too tiny on mine to see in the picture, but it's there.

*Note:  All this isn't to say that we haven't had to deal with any issues or had any obstacles along the way.  Adult things like budgets and having to make important decisions are, unfortunately, unavoidable and not always fun.  However, I think what has made it feel easy is that we talk about these things.  We discuss them and if we don't agree, we listen to one another, trying to work around the issue until we can come to an agreement.  It's not a shouting match or a competition to see who can be the most stubborn.  We leave that to Zeke.  He said something once that I think sums it up perfectly:  "It all comes down to, do I love you more or do I love this thing or getting my own way more.  And it will always be you.  The other stuff is just... stuff."