24 hours from now I'll be starting my final concert at the school where I work. Last hurrah, final bows, curtain call, whatever name you use, it's still the same - The End. Over the course of the past few days several people have asked how I'm feeling about this and, for lack of either a better word or creativity, I've been using the word, "bittersweet" as a blanket response. And, I suppose, bittersweet does sort of sum up how I'm feeling in a nice, neat sort of way. Since I've been tossing this word around like it's going out of style, I wanted to consider just what was bitter and what was sweet about this whole thing.
Bitter: It is The End and I like my job, and (most of the time) I like my students. My colleagues are fun, supportive, and tolerate my quirky tendencies rather respectfully. I will miss them. A lot. I feel as though I've made an impact and just when I feel like I'm starting to hit my stride, I'm gone. Poof. There are some students I have worked with for several years as private voice students - I wanted to see them grow as musicians and as people. There are some I just got to know and have seen them come out of their self-conscious teenage shells and I wish I could see them continue to emerge.
Sweet: While I am sad that I am leaving, the reason for my leaving is an extremely happy and exciting one. My fiance was afforded an incredible job opportunity, one we had considered only a dream, and it has proven to be exactly the right move. We adore the San Francisco area - when we visited a few years ago I fell in love and we wistfully talked about moving there one day, but again, really only talking in dreams. (Though I'm clearly meant to live in/near a city with an area named after decadent, gourmet chocolate. I'm talking to you, Ghirardelli Square. I'm comin' back.)
So, yes, despite my overuse, it is an overall appropriate word. But I'm also feeling confused, sad, relieved, surreal, proud, and, in a strange way, excited. I guess the confusion comes from being torn between feelings of sadness and excitement with everything this brings. Sad, well, that's a no brainer. I'm not much of a crier - it's a rarity really - so I wonder if the emotion of it all will bring me to tears. I feel like it's expected on one level, odd as that may sound. Why wouldn't I cry? It's sad, right? And neither my mom nor Kevin are able to be there for it. It doesn't make sense with all the other travel expenses we have this year - we all have to make sacrifices. This is important, and it won't be right without them there, and it leaves this empty place for me, but regardless of all that it just wasn't in the cards. And that's ok.
And yes, there is a big sense of relief. There always is with any performance, no matter how big. This is the culmination of a semester's worth of hard work and to have it come together successfully and be behind me will be a relief, no doubt about it.
Surreal? Well, yeah. I've been playing this moment over and over in my head for months now, trying to imagine what it'll feel like to actually be in the moment up there on stage, conducting my final pieces. To finally have it staring me in the face is surreal. It's like when Kevin proposed or I tried on my wedding dress and had the veil on - both totally surreal times. I had this "Someone needs to pinch me, quick!" type reaction. These moments I had imagined for so long finally happening - takes my breath away.
I can say without hesitation that I am proud of the work I've done. This concert, along with all my previous concerts, were huge undertakings and I am extremely proud of my students for rising to the occasion again and again. And yes, I'll be egotistical and pat myself on the back for a job well-done, too. I taught them how to sing in French, Portuguese, and Latin. They learned music aurally - I didn't give them any music for some pieces because it wasn't in keeping with the traditions of the genre. They have learned to improvise harmonies around a melody with a given chord progression. It wasn't easy, but they got there. I am proud that I pushed them and made them learn to do those things.
Finally, excited. Yes, I am excited in an odd way. When this concert is behind me, it's really go time: We get to rehearse music for the wedding, my packing and moving becomes more eminent, I'll get to spend time working on my own job hunt... It's like the jumping point for everything else.
When the curtains close and everyone leaves, I'll feel satisfied knowing I did a good job. They're ready, I'm ready - it's time. Yeah, I might cry, and that's ok. I'm happy, I'm sad, I'm celebratory, I'm nervous, I'm all these things and then some. It's bittersweet.
Wednesday, April 25, 2012
Sunday, April 22, 2012
It's just a jump to the left...
Where did this seemingly sudden impulse to organize your thoughts in the form of a blob stem from, you may ask? Let's do the time warp a bit for some context: (Cue dissolve a la Wayne's World: Diddly-oop, diddly-oop, diddly-oop…. )
The second half of 2010 until MLK weekend of 2011 were tough times for Kevin and I for reasons beyond our control. I'll refrain from going into detail, but needless to say we made it and are now all the stronger for having come through that rough patch still together and committed to one another. After MLK weekend of 2011, things started to look up, but we were far from being in the clear.
Since September 2011 the following things have happened:
1. Kevin applied for and was offered a fantastic job in Redwood City, CA working with an internet company. We thought it was a long shot when he first applied, but then the application led to a phone interview. Then an in-person interview. Then, the night of call-backs for the fall musical at school, as I sat in the theater wrangling through the complexities casting with the drama and dance teachers, I got the following text: "Got the offer and it's good. We're going to CA!" My heart leaped, danced, and did this weird twitchy sort of thing all at the same time, or so it felt. This job was potentially the answer to so much, including my prayers. It was a huge wash of relief. Then came the wave of excitement with the thought of switching Bay areas, from Chesapeake to San Francisco, which just screamed, "Adventure!" But wait… I was just getting the hang of the whole Baltimore scene - we had our favorite places, our social circles. Just pick up and leave? Across the country? And what about my job… I have a good job and the thought that I had just potentially cast my last show really struck hard. On the one hand, it was totally crazy. On the other hand, it would have been flat-out insane to turn down. Bittersweet as it may have been. We knew he had to go. Hard as it was, it was exactly what we needed to have happen.
2. No CA for me right away as I still had to finish out the school year. I wasn't sure if I was heading out to CA in the fall of 2012 at this point or not. There was so much still up in the air. So, the moving process began. Boxes, bubble wrap, and piles of things to charity all started to file in and out of Kevin's house. Meanwhile, I was trying to plan a going away party worthy of such a tremendous occasion.
3. The proposal: Kevin proposed at his bon voyage party on Oct 22nd (SQUEEEEEE! He is amazing and the whole evening was perfect!) So many friends and family were there, so it was an instant engagement party! Yes, he had talked to mom - he's a smart one. :) And I thought things had been exciting and life changing before! Now, there was a wedding to plan!!!! Oh yeah… and that sort of finalized this being my last year at my school. Again, twinge of sadness amidst the abundance of joy we were all feeling.
3. I turned 31 a week later (God, that's just still so unreal to write. 31. I feel like I should be so much more of an adult than I am now.)
4. Kevin flew to CA the next day.... I didn't see him again until March 16. Four and a half months. Why? Flights are freggin' expensive and with a wedding, move, and other unfortunate "life" expenses we knew we had to make tough decisions. This was one of them. Hey, we're trying to be adults here. It's not easy.
...Meanwhile... The fall musical had a successful run and I was still reeling with the thought of it being my last show at this school. Thanksgiving came and went and, mom by my side, I bought my wedding dress and settled on a reception venue. The huge Christmas program at school happened and while I knew it was my last, very few others did. It was weird. Christmas was festive and 2012 rang in but holidays didn't feel the same with Kevin on the other side of the country. Singing Valentines in February came around. (I had my a cappella ensemble serenade Kevin over the phone with "Never Gonna Give You Up." Yup, that's right, we Rick Rolled him.) Then finally FINALLY February ended and it was March. I had been waiting to flip my desk calendar to March since Oct 31st when Kevin left.
5. SPRING BREAK! It was surreal flying out to CA, counting down not months, weeks, or days but mere hours, minutes, seconds, and footsteps left until we were finally together again. Delta decided to toy with my emotions and cut my short layover of 25mins to a mere 10mins due to a flight delay. Luckily, Tony Horton and P90x had helped me get into good enough shape to literally run through the Minneapolis airport (gate F5 to Gfreggin'22 thankyouverymuch) and arrive as they were calling for final boarding. If those doors had closed with me not on the plane it would have been a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad night for everyone working in that concourse. Trust me.
6. Over break we: Found an apartment to call home, did the necessary prenuptial preparations, visited his work where he got to show off his swanky fancy-pants Silicone Valley office, complete with brainstorming areas, brightly colored walls, and conference rooms named wacky things like "Happy Doughnuts." (No joke, there really is one named that!) Then it was off to do more wedding prep stuff, register, and the go gallivanting around San Francisco for a evening. I had a job fair and we decided to have a night out on the town and let me just say, the Tonga Room tiki lounge is something to behold! Top things off with dinner with my cousin and his wife who live in San Fran, and then on the plane and back to B'more with me.
7. The very next weekend, off to a good friend's wedding in NC! No rest for the weary.
8. Mom came in just after that for Easter and while she was in town we: finalized the centerpieces, did the tasting with the caterer, bought wedding shoes and a rehearsal dinner outfit, saw my dress in person and bought a veil, and had both a "virtual" bridal shower and an actual wedding shower hosted by a dear friend and colleague of mine. (Yes, you read that correctly - a "virtual" bridal shower. I'll explain later.)
9. Mom left and now it's time to start packing up my apartment… the boxes are everywhere, I've already taken piles to donation centers, and my walls are becoming bare. Surprisingly, Zeke, stalwart bulldog that he is, doesn't always handle change well. His naturally wrinkly moosh-face has a few extra worry lines with all the activity going on. He has no idea what's in store still...
10. My final concert at school is this week. I'm still trying to put a finger on exactly how I feel about that. It's a big mix of things for sure.
So, that brings us up to the present. And I'm exhausted and stressed just thinking about everything we've done and then everything still yet to do. Hence, this blog. If you stuck with me through all that recap, mad props to you. You're a brave soul. Or just bored on what, in Baltimore at least, is a cold, rainy Sunday. I'm told they don't have many of those in CA. Cold, rainy days that is - I imagine there are still an equal number of Sundays out there as there are here. But, CA seems to sort of play by its own rules, so then again, maybe not. I think I'm going to like it out there. I just have to pack up the rest of my life in Baltimore, finish the school year, get married, and drive across the country before I finally get to fully realize that for myself. You know, NBD.
The second half of 2010 until MLK weekend of 2011 were tough times for Kevin and I for reasons beyond our control. I'll refrain from going into detail, but needless to say we made it and are now all the stronger for having come through that rough patch still together and committed to one another. After MLK weekend of 2011, things started to look up, but we were far from being in the clear.
Since September 2011 the following things have happened:
1. Kevin applied for and was offered a fantastic job in Redwood City, CA working with an internet company. We thought it was a long shot when he first applied, but then the application led to a phone interview. Then an in-person interview. Then, the night of call-backs for the fall musical at school, as I sat in the theater wrangling through the complexities casting with the drama and dance teachers, I got the following text: "Got the offer and it's good. We're going to CA!" My heart leaped, danced, and did this weird twitchy sort of thing all at the same time, or so it felt. This job was potentially the answer to so much, including my prayers. It was a huge wash of relief. Then came the wave of excitement with the thought of switching Bay areas, from Chesapeake to San Francisco, which just screamed, "Adventure!" But wait… I was just getting the hang of the whole Baltimore scene - we had our favorite places, our social circles. Just pick up and leave? Across the country? And what about my job… I have a good job and the thought that I had just potentially cast my last show really struck hard. On the one hand, it was totally crazy. On the other hand, it would have been flat-out insane to turn down. Bittersweet as it may have been. We knew he had to go. Hard as it was, it was exactly what we needed to have happen.
2. No CA for me right away as I still had to finish out the school year. I wasn't sure if I was heading out to CA in the fall of 2012 at this point or not. There was so much still up in the air. So, the moving process began. Boxes, bubble wrap, and piles of things to charity all started to file in and out of Kevin's house. Meanwhile, I was trying to plan a going away party worthy of such a tremendous occasion.
3. The proposal: Kevin proposed at his bon voyage party on Oct 22nd (SQUEEEEEE! He is amazing and the whole evening was perfect!) So many friends and family were there, so it was an instant engagement party! Yes, he had talked to mom - he's a smart one. :) And I thought things had been exciting and life changing before! Now, there was a wedding to plan!!!! Oh yeah… and that sort of finalized this being my last year at my school. Again, twinge of sadness amidst the abundance of joy we were all feeling.
 |
| I was giving a toast when the Kevin surprised me! I'm holding a digital frame from everyone as a going away present. Guess he showed me up on the gift giving for the evening! |
 |
| I give this engagement a big thumbs up! |
3. I turned 31 a week later (God, that's just still so unreal to write. 31. I feel like I should be so much more of an adult than I am now.)
4. Kevin flew to CA the next day.... I didn't see him again until March 16. Four and a half months. Why? Flights are freggin' expensive and with a wedding, move, and other unfortunate "life" expenses we knew we had to make tough decisions. This was one of them. Hey, we're trying to be adults here. It's not easy.
...Meanwhile... The fall musical had a successful run and I was still reeling with the thought of it being my last show at this school. Thanksgiving came and went and, mom by my side, I bought my wedding dress and settled on a reception venue. The huge Christmas program at school happened and while I knew it was my last, very few others did. It was weird. Christmas was festive and 2012 rang in but holidays didn't feel the same with Kevin on the other side of the country. Singing Valentines in February came around. (I had my a cappella ensemble serenade Kevin over the phone with "Never Gonna Give You Up." Yup, that's right, we Rick Rolled him.) Then finally FINALLY February ended and it was March. I had been waiting to flip my desk calendar to March since Oct 31st when Kevin left.
5. SPRING BREAK! It was surreal flying out to CA, counting down not months, weeks, or days but mere hours, minutes, seconds, and footsteps left until we were finally together again. Delta decided to toy with my emotions and cut my short layover of 25mins to a mere 10mins due to a flight delay. Luckily, Tony Horton and P90x had helped me get into good enough shape to literally run through the Minneapolis airport (gate F5 to Gfreggin'22 thankyouverymuch) and arrive as they were calling for final boarding. If those doors had closed with me not on the plane it would have been a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad night for everyone working in that concourse. Trust me.
6. Over break we: Found an apartment to call home, did the necessary prenuptial preparations, visited his work where he got to show off his swanky fancy-pants Silicone Valley office, complete with brainstorming areas, brightly colored walls, and conference rooms named wacky things like "Happy Doughnuts." (No joke, there really is one named that!) Then it was off to do more wedding prep stuff, register, and the go gallivanting around San Francisco for a evening. I had a job fair and we decided to have a night out on the town and let me just say, the Tonga Room tiki lounge is something to behold! Top things off with dinner with my cousin and his wife who live in San Fran, and then on the plane and back to B'more with me.
7. The very next weekend, off to a good friend's wedding in NC! No rest for the weary.
 |
| Yay weddings! We all used to work together in VA so it was awesome to celebrate together again now that we're all in different schools in different states. |
8. Mom came in just after that for Easter and while she was in town we: finalized the centerpieces, did the tasting with the caterer, bought wedding shoes and a rehearsal dinner outfit, saw my dress in person and bought a veil, and had both a "virtual" bridal shower and an actual wedding shower hosted by a dear friend and colleague of mine. (Yes, you read that correctly - a "virtual" bridal shower. I'll explain later.)
 |
| Furiously trying to figure out the wedding themed word scramble! At least I got "Erin," "Kevin," and "Moore." |
 |
| Wanda is awesome! She and her daughter-in-law threw a beautiful shower for me and I am so grateful to them both. |
 |
| I love this picture of my mom! |
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| And I love this picture of my future mom-in-law! |
9. Mom left and now it's time to start packing up my apartment… the boxes are everywhere, I've already taken piles to donation centers, and my walls are becoming bare. Surprisingly, Zeke, stalwart bulldog that he is, doesn't always handle change well. His naturally wrinkly moosh-face has a few extra worry lines with all the activity going on. He has no idea what's in store still...
10. My final concert at school is this week. I'm still trying to put a finger on exactly how I feel about that. It's a big mix of things for sure.
So, that brings us up to the present. And I'm exhausted and stressed just thinking about everything we've done and then everything still yet to do. Hence, this blog. If you stuck with me through all that recap, mad props to you. You're a brave soul. Or just bored on what, in Baltimore at least, is a cold, rainy Sunday. I'm told they don't have many of those in CA. Cold, rainy days that is - I imagine there are still an equal number of Sundays out there as there are here. But, CA seems to sort of play by its own rules, so then again, maybe not. I think I'm going to like it out there. I just have to pack up the rest of my life in Baltimore, finish the school year, get married, and drive across the country before I finally get to fully realize that for myself. You know, NBD.
Saturday, April 21, 2012
3 Month Countdown
On Saturday, July 21st 2012 - exactly 3 months from today - I will be no longer be Erin Therese Farfaglia, but Erin Farfaglia Moore. (Yes, I'm changing my name and dropping my middle name, but I'll perhaps go into the rationale and funny story behind my middle name in another post.) I will be married to the love of my life who knows and understands me more than I thought possible. It's ridiculously exciting and I am just about bursting with happiness - I'm like a constant "Squeeee!" factory right now - but before I get there I have a few other things to get through first. And it's daunting. Scary in fact. And I'm not one to get easily scared, despite the myriad of paranormal television shows I, for some reason, find amusing. (My Friday nights aren't complete unless I've seen Zac Bagins screaming his head off at some ghosts) Anxious, sure. Panicky, yeah that, too. Over-reactive, oh you betcha. But really and truly flat out scared? Not typical for me.
I've never really been much of a journal keeper - owner of many, completer of few. If anything, my writing impulses are few and far between at best, coming only in times of great teen angst, college and quasi-adult drama, or the quarter-life crisis that ensued after working retail for a year after receiving my MAT for music education. The need to jot down and organize my thoughts only happens when there's too much clutter in my head for me to sort through on my own. Only child that I am, I am quite good at carrying on a full conversation with myself (or my ever tolerant and patient bulldog, Zeke) but that only helps so much. Which brings me to the present: I haven't had much need to really "journal" in the past few years - life has been relatively stable, and for that I am tremendously thankful.
Now, however, things are in a bit of upheaval. Actually, quite a bit of upheaval to be honest. All of it good, really. Compared to many people I know, I have very little about which I can complain. The big things looking me in the eye right now are logistical problems - things that will require a little extra juggling and flexibility on my part. Luckily, if there's one thing I've learned in my 7 years of teaching (holy crap, I've been a teacher for 7 years. Weird.) it's "Roll with it." Things come up unexpectedly and if you get your panties in a wad over every little bump in the road your life will be miserable. So, I'm rolling. But, in rolling, I'm finding that I need an outlet. I don't even really care if anyone really reads this - I need to sort out my thoughts because they each seem to want their fair say right now. I started writing more details, but quickly realized that my propensity overwriting was making this a novella instead of a blog (Who has two thumbs and always had papers over the required length in high school and college? This kid.) From my limited understanding of both technology and blogs, I get the impression that this is a bad idea. So, perhaps I'll actually write a few separate entries. Oh, and since Kevin is the tech guru in this relationship, don't expect anything flashy. I'm pretty proud I was able to successfully upload the above pic of Zeke. Well, at least it looks like it uploaded successfully....?
So, if you stumbled upon this, or are a friend/colleague just trying to kill a few minutes online sometime and decide to read this, let's see where this goes. Ghost Adventures on Saturday nights is all reruns anyways, so this seemed like a good and somewhat productive/creative use of my time. Probably kills fewer brain cells than watching GA at least.
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| My adorabla baby, Zeke! |
So, if you stumbled upon this, or are a friend/colleague just trying to kill a few minutes online sometime and decide to read this, let's see where this goes. Ghost Adventures on Saturday nights is all reruns anyways, so this seemed like a good and somewhat productive/creative use of my time. Probably kills fewer brain cells than watching GA at least.
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